The below obituary is fictitious. All quotes,actions, alleged perceptions, and general good view of said writer are to be presumed imaginative and may not apply to the general perception of who this person is. The below is only true in the sense of a complete autobiography and the end of the world according to Nicholas Cage.
Andy Gilbert died today, December 21st 2012 with the rest of the world, with the exception of Brett and Ben who died slightly later by using Andy as a shield against the fiery inferno.
Andy Gilbert grew up in Biddeford, Maine, AKA the Biddo, AKA Maine, AKA “That’s a real state? I thought it was part of Mass.” Growing up Andy wanted to be an archaeologist, an idea that shortly ended after he realized that Indiana Jones was not a real archaeologist. He spent much of his early life in Maine suburbia playing sports (despite having no skill at it) and reading (only after the Harry Potter books came out). For those who have a hard time picturing any civilization in Maine, let alone Suburbia, think of a normal white-picket-fence setting—then add a moose.
His ability to write came from his father’s side of the family. Growing up, his father would always tell him bird stories when Andy went to bed. “Okay,” Andy once admitted, “not always, but enough that I remember them, or at least two of them.” His ability to dream up fiction came not from his father though, but his mother who was always a dreamer.
He attended St. James school and until college hated polo shirts because of it. He eventually gave into wearing them again, but only during his college years. After a brief four years at Biddeford High School, which is not worth mentioning, because after all it’s Biddeford, he went to University of New Hampshire after visiting the college to see a girl he use to date. He immediately fell in love with the college.
After switching his major from History to Journalism, Andy found his true passion. “He was always working on or talking about a story,” commented a girl he frequently and exclusively dated who went by the nickname ‘Jelly Bean.’ “He was always like blah, blah, blah, it’s a story, blah, blah, blah. I’d always say ‘less talking more loving.’”
He also joined a fraternity, which surprised many people. He allegedly only got in because they didn’t know he was an Journalism major and not just an English major who they could use for writing. “Had we known he was a journalist,” his Big Brother commented, “we probably would have killed him on the spot.”
Andy would wish to be known for his humor, shown by writing this five minutes before being pushed into the flames. Damn you Brett…
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Airport
The below article is to consider fictitious and an assignment given for Newswriting.
The forty-seven airplanes based at the Biddeford Airport may no longer being flying high, at least, not from that airport. A referendum question for the city of Biddeford slated for the June 4th ballot will ask the question whether residents would wish to close the airport at the cost of $3 million dollars or keep it open.
“I’ve been flying out of this airport for 25 years,” commented Phyllis Landry who was distraught over the thought of having the airport close. “I love this airport. If I couldn’t fly out of here I’d have to go to Sanford or Portland.”
While some residents of Biddeford wish to keep the airport, others disagree. “It continues to be a tax burden,” commented Paul Archambault, a Biddeford resident and chairmen of Shut Our Little Airport. “We came to the conclusion that there is no financial benefit at its existing size and capacity.” Archambault has lived in a house near the end for the runway for 24 years.
This is not the first time the Biddeford airport has experienced turbulence. A few years ago it was at risk of losing funding by the Federal Aviation Administration. “The Biddeford Airport failed to uphold important safety regulations for a number of years,” commented Joe Burtee, a representative of the FAA, “endangering pilots, staff, and local residents.”
The Biddeford Airport complied, posting no trespassing signs and cutting down trees for safety reasons.
“It’s not just about that anymore,” Archambault insisted, “it’s about the money too.” Biddeford residents most pay an annual of anywhere from $47,000 to $72,000 for matinence and only makes $56,000 the few years. “City managements don’t know how to run airports…Biddeford has been trying to do it for years and can’t get it right.”
“The City Council really hasn’t come down on one side of the issue or the other,” commented John Bubier, the city’s manager, “I think they’d prefer to have voters settle this one.”
“The closing of a small, locally run airport is a sad state of affairs indeed,” commented John Becksworth, a Yacht entrepreneur from Biddeford Pool. He is also a representative of the National Association of Small Airplanes. “It would sadden the organization to see the airport go and I would personally find it a tragedy as I would have to move my small summer plan from Biddeford to Sanford.”
Whether Becksworth and Landry will have to move their planes is still up to vote by the town.
“I just hope that the referendum will educate people,” said Roland Pelletier, “times are touch in the economy. We can’t afford to support operations that don’t support themselves.”
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
New York Minutes: Week Five
Now ongoing so check back daily!
Monday: A play at the Met brings new meaning to a runny nose and was the most interesting thing I read. I would love to see it, if only to see the giant nose run across the scene. I've also never been to an opera, so it'd be a good start. Those tickets must be outrageous though. The Enquirer might win a Pulitzer prize for reporting on John Edward's affair. Investigative journalism on a tabloid level with anonymous sources that over ran credibility yet was true. Pretty cool story.
Tuesday: Switched from Haiti to Chile for disaster coverage. Health's cares up and at them. Why do none of these headline's interest me? Right, all have been overdone. Oh wait, Google can now translate, that's impressive. Onto theArts sections which is the only one that ever interest me. I missed the Oscar so this is a great way to recap. As expected, those that were caught the most attention didn't win and those that no one noticed seem to take home big. I'm sorry Hurt Locker, but I never liked you if only because I've only heard about you in passing conversation.
Wednesday: Webber's making a new sequel to the Phantom of the Opera. Lehoux is rolling over in his grave. Love may never die, but some sequels probably will. In other news, Caraviggio is rising up as a rival in some circles to Michalangelo. The only problem with this hype is I've never heard of him and thought of him as someone still alive until on the back page of the article.
Thursday: Dogs can now be used to sniff out bed bugs, leading to the NYT's most useless photo of the day: two men washing out bed bug vials. In other news,The Grateful Dead now have a NY historical society exhibit. I wonder if they're grateful?
Friday: Surfed the website today. Remind me not to take a taxi in NYC, can't really believe they scammed people like that. Okay, maybe I can, I wouldn't exactly trust NYC taxi drivers. It's nothing personal, they don't trust me, I don't trust them. I hope they find a way of correcting it, but even if they do, what will become of it? I assume most NYC taxi drivers are foreigners, if so they can always play the language card and pretend they don't understand you, which isn't cool.
Monday: A play at the Met brings new meaning to a runny nose and was the most interesting thing I read. I would love to see it, if only to see the giant nose run across the scene. I've also never been to an opera, so it'd be a good start. Those tickets must be outrageous though. The Enquirer might win a Pulitzer prize for reporting on John Edward's affair. Investigative journalism on a tabloid level with anonymous sources that over ran credibility yet was true. Pretty cool story.
Tuesday: Switched from Haiti to Chile for disaster coverage. Health's cares up and at them. Why do none of these headline's interest me? Right, all have been overdone. Oh wait, Google can now translate, that's impressive. Onto theArts sections which is the only one that ever interest me. I missed the Oscar so this is a great way to recap. As expected, those that were caught the most attention didn't win and those that no one noticed seem to take home big. I'm sorry Hurt Locker, but I never liked you if only because I've only heard about you in passing conversation.
Wednesday: Webber's making a new sequel to the Phantom of the Opera. Lehoux is rolling over in his grave. Love may never die, but some sequels probably will. In other news, Caraviggio is rising up as a rival in some circles to Michalangelo. The only problem with this hype is I've never heard of him and thought of him as someone still alive until on the back page of the article.
Thursday: Dogs can now be used to sniff out bed bugs, leading to the NYT's most useless photo of the day: two men washing out bed bug vials. In other news,The Grateful Dead now have a NY historical society exhibit. I wonder if they're grateful?
Friday: Surfed the website today. Remind me not to take a taxi in NYC, can't really believe they scammed people like that. Okay, maybe I can, I wouldn't exactly trust NYC taxi drivers. It's nothing personal, they don't trust me, I don't trust them. I hope they find a way of correcting it, but even if they do, what will become of it? I assume most NYC taxi drivers are foreigners, if so they can always play the language card and pretend they don't understand you, which isn't cool.
New York Minutes: Week Four
Postings these got delayed and from now on I'm posting them daily and just updating the post. Especially since I've lost week three somewhere and am only now putting up week four.
Tuesday: The Ukraine article was very interesting, but that's really all I found captivating with today's issue. Well, no I take that back, the Nazi film history in theArts section was interesting. I kind of want to see Jew Suss now, especially after seeing how racist early American movies could be and compare it to German.
Wednesday: Scientists are working on defending their climate change research. I feel like I've read about this before. Independent movie that's hand drawn is pretty interesting. There's also a follow up article to the Jew Suss article I read before.
Thursday: Darwin "Foes" add Global "Warming" to the list. People should see both sides of each issue, is they argue. If so they should let people see the arguing views to why the earth isn't round, why the universe circles around the sun, and why we're all plugged into the Matrix. Some ideas, if not backed by blind faith, would surely be extinct like the Dodo.
Friday: Manohla Dargis gives a hard edge review for Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland which is a nice change to all the hype it's gotten just because it's Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, and well, Johnny Depp. I'm more intested in A Behanding in Spokane starring Christopher waken, which sadly is impossible for me to go and see.
Tuesday: The Ukraine article was very interesting, but that's really all I found captivating with today's issue. Well, no I take that back, the Nazi film history in theArts section was interesting. I kind of want to see Jew Suss now, especially after seeing how racist early American movies could be and compare it to German.
Wednesday: Scientists are working on defending their climate change research. I feel like I've read about this before. Independent movie that's hand drawn is pretty interesting. There's also a follow up article to the Jew Suss article I read before.
Thursday: Darwin "Foes" add Global "Warming" to the list. People should see both sides of each issue, is they argue. If so they should let people see the arguing views to why the earth isn't round, why the universe circles around the sun, and why we're all plugged into the Matrix. Some ideas, if not backed by blind faith, would surely be extinct like the Dodo.
Friday: Manohla Dargis gives a hard edge review for Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland which is a nice change to all the hype it's gotten just because it's Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, and well, Johnny Depp. I'm more intested in A Behanding in Spokane starring Christopher waken, which sadly is impossible for me to go and see.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Writing Excercise
The below article is an exercise.
Anne Lawing and Sheila Lambert spoke on the actions New Hampshire Universities are taking against underage and excessive drinking. Anne Lawing is Senior Assistant Vice President for Student Affairs at the University of New Hampshire. Sheila Lambert is Coordinator of Wellness at Southern New Hampshire University.
“Students have been drinking as long as we’ve had students,” Lawing opened with during the interview. She spoke on how there has always been an initiative to get students to understand they can have a full college experience without always having to drink. “We’re very concerned about what is a frightening level of alcohol on campus.” She also pointed out many of the problems that can arise from such heavy drinking such as assault, vandalism, death, and rape. Lambert was not as concerned with the number of drinkers.
According to Lambert, a spring 2009 survey of drinking in New Hampshire universities and colleges reported students were most likely to only have four or less drinks a week. To Lambert, this number is low. “Not all students drink [excessively]. Not as [badly] as people think.” She blames it on an “alcohol misconception” both from adults and college students that can be corrected through proper education of the known facts. “Our data is consistent,” Lambert insisted.
Anne Lawing and Sheila Lambert spoke on the actions New Hampshire Universities are taking against underage and excessive drinking. Anne Lawing is Senior Assistant Vice President for Student Affairs at the University of New Hampshire. Sheila Lambert is Coordinator of Wellness at Southern New Hampshire University.
“Students have been drinking as long as we’ve had students,” Lawing opened with during the interview. She spoke on how there has always been an initiative to get students to understand they can have a full college experience without always having to drink. “We’re very concerned about what is a frightening level of alcohol on campus.” She also pointed out many of the problems that can arise from such heavy drinking such as assault, vandalism, death, and rape. Lambert was not as concerned with the number of drinkers.
According to Lambert, a spring 2009 survey of drinking in New Hampshire universities and colleges reported students were most likely to only have four or less drinks a week. To Lambert, this number is low. “Not all students drink [excessively]. Not as [badly] as people think.” She blames it on an “alcohol misconception” both from adults and college students that can be corrected through proper education of the known facts. “Our data is consistent,” Lambert insisted.
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